Know Your Stars: Fire Emblem Style!
by BlackShadowFlamez
Summary: What happens when a mysterious trap door suddenly appears in the most random of places through out the Fire Emblem realms?  And what will happen to the random people it manages to capture?  Read on to find out!  Written with AngelicDragonPuppy.
1. Knoll

**This is my first attempt at anything like this before with Fire Emblem, and I hope you like it!! ADP made up the embarassing facts while I just added the dialog! Kudos ADP! And as you should know for the disclaimer, I don't own Fire Emblem.**

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**Victim Number One...Knoll**

Knoll made his way through the many hallways of Grado Keep to the library, where he spent much of his time researching. He had just finished a most bizarre conversation with Lyon and his mind keep drifting back to it...

_Earlier that day..._

"Why are you standing on the throne?"

Lyon, the crown prince of Grado was indeed standing on his throne, constantly gazing back and forth. The sound of Knoll's voice had frightened him and he fell to a crumpled heap on the floor.

"Are...you alright your highness?"

Knoll gave him an odd look.

"I just heard some terrible news..."

"What is it?"

"I just heard from one of the guards...a mysterious trapdoor has been appearing around the Keep and all who fall in aren't seen for a day, and when they reappear, they have sudden mood swings or changes in personality..."

"Are...you serious?"

He gave Lyon a disbelieving look.

Lyon clambered back onto his throne.

"Yes...he said it randomly chooses people and..."

"You believe you might be next? You've gotta be kidding me."

"No it's true...I saw it with my own eyes..."

"And that's why you're cowering on your thrown?"

Lyon pulled his legs up and rested his chin on his knees.

"I am not cowering..."

Knoll sniffed.

"Oh really? Well I beg your leave majesty."

_Present time..._

"I can't believe Lyon is so gullible as to believe idiotic tales such as 'the vanishing trapdoor'."

He finally reached the sanctity of the library. After making his way to a particular section, he searched for a book to read. He found a book called, "Emo's Need Love Too: Ten Ways to Find Emo Love" and pulled it off the shelf. The floor under him disappeared and he fell through the trapdoor into darkness. It was a really long fall. Knoll finally landed with a thud on the floor.

"Ouch...geez what in the hell happened?"

A light suddenly turned on to his left. He picked himself up and another light turned on. Soon a whole row of lights turned on and under the last one...was a chair. Curious, Knoll went to investigate the lone chair. It looked like any other normal chair so he decided it wasn't a threat and sat down in it.

"You have now sat in the Chair of Doom! Prepare to be vaporized!!"

"The Chair...of Doom? I swear I must be surrounded by idiots..."

"Who are you calling an idiot? Oh...ahem...know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..."

"Know...your stars? What the hell is that?"

"Silence emo mage! It shall become apparent in due time."

"I AM NOT EMO!!"

"YES YOU ARE, NOW BE QUIET SO THAT I MAY HUMILIATE YOU!!!!"

"Eep!"

"Now...Knoll...he has a super secret crush on Eirika!!"

"I DO NOT!! PROVE IT!!"

"Oh...I can. With this video tape right...HERE!"

The mysterious voice laughs maniacally.

"NUUUUUUZ!! HOW COULD YOU??"

"Easy, cuz I'm evil! Knoll...he was a hippie in his youth!!"

"I WAS NOT!! HIPPIES ARE TREE HUGGERS AND DRUG HOARDERS!!!"

"And you used to be just that according to these police reports...tsk tsk Knoll you where a naughty little hippie back then..."

"HOW DID YOU GET THOSE???"

Knoll's mouth dropped to the floor and beyond.

"Oh...I have my sources...hehehee...Knoll...he once had a crazy make-out session with a gorgon!!"

"YOU LIE!! I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A GORGON!!"

"I believe this photo...and the GORGON you made out with would say otherwise..."

"NUUUUUZ!! SHE SAID NO ONE WOULD KNOW!!!"

"Well she lied. And all it took was a few photographs..."

"PHOTOS OF WHAT??"

"Oh...just of a certain...emo mage...anyway...Knoll...he used to have a Power Puff Girls fetish!!"

"I DID NOT!! I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THEM!!"

"Right...is that why you had a BUBBLES plushie on your bed?"

"BUBBLES!! I SHALL SAVE YOU!!"

Knoll tried to leap out of his chair, but succeeded in only knocking it over.

"Did I forget to mention that...? You can't leave the chair until I am finished..."

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZ!!!!?"

Knoll begins to cry like a little baby and be all emo.

"Would you stop acting like a baby? Now you know Knoll, Eirika's secret crush, crazy hippie who had a crazy make-out session with a gorgon, emo mage who had a Power Puff Girls obsession."

"NUUUUUZ I AM RUINED!!! RUINED I TELL YOU!!"

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**Hope you enjoyed this!! Please review! The next part shall be up as soon as I start writing it!! **


	2. Lyon

**I'm glad the first chapter was such a big hit!! It is now time for the second part! As you know I don't own Fire Emblem, so it's on with the story!**

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**Victim Number Two: Lyon**

"Prince Lyon sir, we have some terrible news. Umm...why are you still standing on your throne milord?"

The confused guard gave Lyon an odd look.

"Ummm...no reason."

He promptly sat down, his knees pulled up to his chin.

"Now what is this terrible news you must tell me?"

"Umm...Sir Knoll has gone missing."

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZ!!! THE TRAPDOOR!!! I WARNED HIM!!!"

Lyon screamed, his eyes becoming twitchy.

"Umm...milord, that story is not true. It's just something the common folk are telling to scare people.

Lyon stopped in mid scream.

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yes milord. 'Tis just a tale. Nothing more."

"In that case, I really don't need to be acting like a fool anymore do I?"

"Umm...no milord."

"That was a rhetorical question."

"Oh sorry milord...may I be dismissed? I have a shift to cover for.."

"Oh..uh yeah go ahead. Dismissed."

Lyon slumped down onto his throne.

"I can't believe I believed that stupid tale...how foolish of me. But that just leaves one problem...where has Knoll gone?"

He pondered this question for a few minutes.

"I think it's time for...some stealth action!"

From behind the throne, he pulled out a mask with two eye slits so he could see. He had much difficulty tying it, but after twenty minutes, he had finally pulled his finger out of the knot.

"Stupid mask...I KNEW I should've gotten the one with the knot already tied!"

He gingerly stepped off his throne. Nothing happened.

"Ah...they were right! The trapdoor of doom was just an urban myth..."

As he reached the door out of the throne room he reached for the handle in slow motion...in fact it took him ten minutes tops to open the door. After he opened it wide enough for him to barely squeeze through it, he poked his head out to make sure no one was coming, and squeezed through the door.

"To the library!"

He began to gallop down the hallway to the library where Knoll was mostly likely to be. After stealthily looking around all the corners...he opened the door to the library. Once again, nothing happened.

"Oh poo."

He stomped his foot on the ground. Suddenly the floor below him disappeared and he fell into darkness.

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZ!!! I KNEW IT WAS TRUE!!! I KNEW IT!!!"

He screamed and sreamed the above phrase until finally he hit solid stone.

"Owwwie wowwie...that hurt..."

He picked himself off the floor and stared blindly into the darkness. Suddenly, blinding overhead lights illuminated the room. In the far back...was a lone chair.

"Ooooh...a chair."

Lyon was immediately attracted to the beautiful chair. He skipped merrily to the chair and sat down.

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SUFFER MY NAME IS DOOM!!!"

"Uh...your name is...Doom?"

"Uh...no sorry. Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..."

"?"

"Lyon...he likes rainbow colored monkies!!"

"What? I DO NOT!!"

"Then how come the royal bedchamber is decorated with them? Care to explain...?"

"Umm...no, not really..."

"Ok then! Lyon...can't read!"

"Yes I can!! I'll prove it too!!!"

"Ok then, read me the first line in this book."

"Umm...the...b...blue...uh...what's this word?"

"See!! You are illiterate!!! Ha!!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUZ!!!"

"Lyon...likes to kill innocent little bunnies!!"

A crowd gasps in the background.

"I DO NOT!! I LUFFS BUNNIES!!"

"Then why do you have bunny killing paraphanilia in your...CLOSET??"

Lyon breaks down and starts crying.

"NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT!!! I HATE MYSELF!!"

He then begins to become emo.

"Oh stop it. Don't be like your emo cousin...he was just pathetic...Lyon...he still doesn't know what crap means!"

"Crap...what is crap?"

Lyon proceeds to take out a dictionary.

"IT'S NOT THERE!! IT ISN'T THERE!! WHY HAVE YOU FAILED ME DICTIONARY???!!"

And then he throws it across the room.

"Hey watch it! Now you know Lyon, the rainbow colored monkey lover, illiterate bunny killer who doesn't know what crap means..."

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZ!!"

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**Hope you enjoyed the second installment!! Sorry it took me a few days to update I'll try to update sooner next chapter!!**


	3. Lute

**Glad everyone is liking this so far!! I'd seriously like to thank ADP once more for the hilarious secrets being spilled!! Great job!! Sorry it took me so long to update too! Many apologies! As you know I do not own Fire Emblem though I honestly wish I could say I do!**

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**Victim Number 3...Lute**

"Hmmm...where did he go?"

Lute peered under a rock.

"There you are!! Time to go meet a special friend of mine..."

The huge tarantula squirmed and squirmed trying to free himself from being captive in the tiny jar again. But it was too late. She had already reached the jar.

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZ!"

The spider screamed in a language only other spiders could understand. It was back to its cramped living quarters with ten other smaller spiders that he planned on snacking on a bit later.

"Now...to Artur's room my spider friends..."

Lute sneakily left her own room and headed for Arturs. He was no where to be seen, so she quietly popped open the jar lid and sprinkled the spiders all over his bed.

"That should do it..."

She put the lid back on the jar and casually walked out of Artur's room.

"Lute...what were you doing in my room?

Artur rounded the corner and stopped in front of his door.

"Oh...nothing. I just thought I lost something..."

"Well...ok."

He opened the door to his room and walked it.

"Five...four..."

Before she could get to three, a scream erupted from Artur's room.

"LUTE!!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!"

She stiffled a laugh and went to Artur's door.

"What are everywhere?"

"YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHAT THEY ARE!!"

Artur sounded like he would die of fright, so she went in and saw him standing petrified against the wall.

"They're just harmless spiders Artur, nothing to get frightened over..."

He slowly turned his head in her direction.

"You KNOW I am...afraid of...THOSE creatures..."

Taking out the jar once more, she proceeded to collect every last spider she could round up and shove them back in their tiny prison. What she didn't remember was that there was one HUGE spider she forgot about...it had taken refuge under Artur's bed, and was waiting for the opportune moment to make it's escape. Artur had sat down on his bed to catch his breath.

"Spiders...how I loathe them..."

He cringed at the thought of the spiders that were on his bed. He shook out his blanket to make sure none of them were hiding. The tarantula under his bed found this to be his opportune moment to escape, so it rushed out from under the bed. Artur screamed when he saw it.

"LUTE!!!!!!!!! YOU FORGOT ONE!!!!!!"

Lute heard him screaming, so she decided to take her time walking to his room to collect the spider. As she opened the door to his room, the floor underneath her fell away and she began falling into the darkness.

"Hmmm...a hole in the floor...how interesting."

She hit the ground with a thud and picked herself up. A lone chair was off in the distance under a very bright spot light.

"Ooohhh a chair..."

Drawn in by the chair's magical powers, Lute went over to it and sat down.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!"

The mysterious voice cried out.

"Hmmm? What was that? Sorry I wasn't listening..."

"YOU AIRHEAD!! HOW COULD YOU NOT BE LISTENING TO MY AMAZING VOICE!! AND HOW COME YOU ARE NOT TREMBLING IN FEAR??????"

"Umm...because you aren't scary?"

"WHAT THE...um...kinda lost it there...know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..."

"Oh dear...I have a stain on my robes..."

"HEY!! I'M TALKING HERE!! Lute...she is an alien sent to conquer Magvel!!"

"I AM? Very cool..."

If the mysterious voice could be seen, her jaw would've dropped to the floor and beyond.

"Ok then...Lute...her underpanties have Artur's pictures all over them!"

"Hmmm...so they do..."

"ARE YOU FOR REAL??? GAWD!! TAKE THIS!! Lute...she is mortally afraid of...EMU'S."

"Oh yes they are quite frightening."

"HOW DAFT AND OBLIVIOUS CAN YOU GET???? Lute...she thinks stars are a type of super-sized firefly!"

"Oh yes...they are most facinating...I wonder..."

Lute continued to drone on and on. The mysterious voice was at her wits end.

"THAT IS IT!! NOW YOU KNOW LUTE, THE ALIEN CONTINENT CONQUERER WITH PANTIES COVERED IN ARTUR'S FACE, EMU PHOBIC IDIOT WHO THINKS STARS ARE A TYPE OF SUPER-SIZED FIREFLY! I QUIT!!"

"Hmm...I wonder what Artur is cooking for dinner tonight..."

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**Sorry about the delay! I'll start work on the next chapter ASAP!! Guten Nacht!**


	4. Artur

**Sorry about the wait!! I just started school again and I'm trying to get into the swing of things this year is much different from my last, so I needed a little time to adjust, so I'll just grin and bear it! As you all know...I do not own any of the Fire Emblem characters, just the Mysterious Voice who tortures them.**

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**Victim Number Four...Artur**

Artur stood on his desk chair, looking for the renegade spider that Lute had yet to retrieve. He had heard her footsteps, but they had stopped abruptly.

"LUTE???? I NEED YOU NOW!!!"

No reply came. The humongous spider had taken refuge under his desk, trying to run from the broom Artur was trying to use to squash it. And to tell ya, the spider really didn't appreciate it. In fact, he was angry. _Very_ angry indeed. At any chance where he thought Artur had his guard lowered, he would rush out from his hiding space, run up and down a chair leg, while avoiding the broom, and run back to where he began. Let's just say Artur stilled hadn't caught on to the spider's game.

"LUTE?? ARE YOU TRYING TO BE CRUEL??"

Artur shifted a bit on his chair. _Why was the spider so damn persistent?_ he thought.

"Maybe because you're an effing retard?"

The random reply from no where startled Artur.

"WHO SAID THAT???"

His chair began wobbling. He looked down and saw that one of the legs had been cut down to half the size of the rest.

"DAMN TERMITES!"

He screamed as he fell into a crumpled heap on the ground.

"Who do you think? You've been trying to kill a magical talking spider you dope!"

Artur slowly turned his head to the left. The spider was three feet, at least, from his face. He screamed.

"ZOMG THERE IS A CRAZY TALKING SPID-"

The spider slapped him. (Don't ask me how, he just did)

"YOU SLAPPED ME!!"

Artur was absolutely dumbfounded.

"Silence you fool!!"

The spider slapped him across the face again.

"Now...you shall be severely punished for trying to kill the all powerful Magical Talking Spider!"

Artur whimpered and closed his eyes, awaiting his impending doom. But nothing happened. He cracked an eye open and saw the spider...and a mysterious rope. The spider smiled (however they do that I do not know...) and pulled the rope. The floor under Artur disappeared and he fell...into oblivion. The end.

Ok maybe it wasn't the end. He just fell into a pit of impending doom. He screamed until he hit the floor, which knocked the breath out of him. When he caught his breath, he looked around, like so many of the others who had fallen into the pit had done, and spied a lone chair sitting under a spotlight.

"CHAIR..."

He was immediately attracted to the beautifulness of the chair, so he went and sat down.

"DUN DUN DUN DUN!! CRINGE THY NAME IS ULTIMATE DOOM!!"

Artur cringed and screamed.

"WHO ARE YOU???"

"Ummm...I am the esteemed Mysterious Voice...now onto the impending doom my spider minion talked about...know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..."

"NUUUUUUUZ NOT THE IMPENDING DOOM!!"

Artur squealed and tried desperately to free himself from the chair.

"Stop being a big baby!! You tried to squashie my spider! SUFFER!! Artur...he believes in the Mythical Golden Gopher!"

"WHERE?? WHERE DID YOU SEE IT???"

The Mysterious voice sighed.

"You really must be stupid...it is MYTHICAL. What is the definition of MYTHICAL, crowd?"

Randomly, the crowd spoke the definition.

"Imaginary!"

"Thank you!! Artur...he is actually a chimpanzee wearing a mask!!"

"What?? I am not!!"

"Well..I think this picture...and YOUR MOTHER would say otherwise..."

"NO!! HOW DID YOU FIND HER??"

"Ummm...a thing called the internet? Anyway...Artur...he wears goth clothes under his robes!"

"WHO TOLD YOU??? I DEMAND TO KNOW!!"

"Uh...well a mysterious forboding voice never reveals her secrets!"

"YOU LIAR!! LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!"

"Aww...STFU loser! Artur...he's a sex addict!"

"WHAT??? HOW DO YOU KNOW???"

"Ummm...lemme see...I had a nice long chat with Lute a little while ago...let's just say she was very generous with the information..."

"LUTE??? HOW COULD YOU??!!"

Artur sobbed into his hands.

"Now you know Artur, the believer of the Mythical Golden Gopher, chimpanzee in a mask who wears goth clothes and is a sex addict!"

Artur continued to sob into his hands while screaming over and over, WHY ME.

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**Hope you enjoyed this chapter!! I apologize for the long periods you must wait for me to update...it's awfully embarassing. **


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